Having a Baby . . . At Some Point.

Once upon a time, my doctor told me he thought my baby would come early. Last week. As in, she should be here.

Now, I don't want to seem impatient, but I was really disappointed when she didn't show up last week. Partially this is because I am feeling like I'm the size of a largish truck, and partially it's because Eric's work is such that last week would have been a nicer week from the whole having him around to enjoy all of the baby-ness perspective. It would especially be nice because he has a business trip scheduled for next week, and if she got here sooner, he could be around for more time while we're figuring all of the new baby stuff out. (Yes, my mom will be around, and yes, that will be helpful, but I still really want him to be here for that stuff because it's our baby. You know?)

So I went to the doctor on Friday, and he told me I was dilated to a four, for crying out loud, and that I just need to have some regular contractions to get this baby out. And then he offered to break my water on Tuesday (tomorrow) and said that he thought labor would probably just start after that and I could walk around until I was ready to push, blah, blah, and I probably wouldn't have to be on pitocin.

And at first, I felt like that was an amazing option. I had dreamed of someone offering to just break my water and have this baby come. Tuesday would be a perfect day to have this baby. We'd have a whole week to be home before Eric left for a few days. Surely after I week I would know how to feed her and put her down for naps and stuff. Right? So I spent about two days in total bliss.

But then I spent yesterday completely agonizing over everything. Because 1) I'm still only at 39 weeks. It's not like she's late. There's nothing wrong with me or her that we know of. She feels late because I thought she was coming last week, but she's actually not at all. 2) Okay, so the doctor says he can just break my water and she'll come. BUT. Once your water is broken, most doctors want you to deliver within 24 hours to prevent infection. Which means if I didn't immediately go into labor, at some point they would probably put me on pitocin (which I have kind of wanted to avoid if I could help it all along) and if for some reason that didn't work, I could end up having a C section. Or even if it wasn't because of that, inductions can just cause complications, and if anything happened, I would always wonder if it would have gone better if I'd just let her come on her own.

Obviously any of these things could happen if I just went into labor normally, but if I make that choice to let them break my water, then I will feel like it's my own dang fault for making a decision because I was impatient and anxious about a business trip.

So today I called the doctor and cancelled - or at least postponed - the water breaking extravaganza. My doctor was very understanding and told me that I should definitely do what I felt good about, and to come in for a regular appointment on Wednesday. Which means now I'm back to feeling like she might not ever actually come on her own - but at least I feel better about waiting.