Great Job, Internet!

Behold, my new favorite site on the internet, Unrelated Captions.

I learned about this site from a feature called "Great Job, Internet!" on the A.V. Club. I don't even know why it's funny. but it's really, really funny.

Here are some of my favorites.

There is something very wrong with the llama on the left. 

Hedgehog!

And the one that sent all of D'CALC into fits of giggles:

Some Valentine's Day Moments of Zen

If you're in love today, I salute you. Have fun, you don't need me.

For those of you who are not fans of today, I offer the following gifts.

First: this awesome podcast about breakup songs.

Second: my favorite Valentine's Day tradition, reading this amazing marketing copy.

Third: this awesome article by someone who is more friend of a friend than anything, but I love his new blog.

Best for last: don't you wish someone was sending you this instead of flowers? I know I don't, but this video will change your life.

The Happy SAD Playlist for 2010 (In Progress)

Okay, so I've now made Valentine's playlists every year except the first (from which I think I should be excused, because the blog was less than a month old that first year) which can be found here and here (and for the major lonely hearts among you, I can also recommend this one, which is out of date on my blog but fully up-to-date in my iTunes for the rare occasions when I need it).  I always try to make some kind of reasonable mix between songs for the people who are actually in happy relationships and songs for people who are bitter that they aren't and anything in between, but this year I was having a hard time thinking of a list as a whole, so I'm listing in categories. If your category gets left out, let me know and I'll try to fill it in.

Update: Coming up with categories is hard. I'm going to post what I have and continue adding through tomorrow, but please feel free to offer suggestions for categories or other songs (I know there are a lot of them I have kicking around my head that just haven't made it to the top yet.)

Wishing and Hoping Songs

• "Whole Wide World" by Wreckless Eric. Thank you, Will Ferrell, for introducing this song to us.  
• "Vibrate" by Rufus Wainwright. "My phones on vibrate for you . . . call me any time you like." I love this. It feels exactly the way it should for this idea. 
• "Somebody to Love" by Queen. Some classics never die. 
• "Love Song For No One" by John Mayer. I haven't listened to this song in . . . . years probably, but I've always liked the idea of "staying up all night just to write a love song for no one." 
• "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey. Um . . . duh. 

Unrequited Love Songs

• "Headsoak" by Andrew Bird. I have this on a live album that Treb got from a code Andrew gave out at a concert, so I don't know how readily available it is, but it's awesome. "There's apprehension, inhibition, contribution to my attrition!" 
• "We're Just Friends" by Wilco. It's probably on one or all of the other lists, but I can't think of a better song to represent some of my most poignant V-Day disappointments. 
• "Baby Goodbye" by Aqualung. "Love walked out a long time ago without a warning - oh, and left me here with you alone." 
• "I Saw A Stranger With Your Hair" by John Gorka. This was my favorite tragic post-breakup song when I was in high school. It's essentially about a guy seeing the woman he loved everywhere he looks. "I saw a stranger with your hair - tried to make her give it back so I could send if off to you, maybe Federal Express - 'cause I know you'd miss it."
• "She'll Come Back To Me" by Cake. Maybe a little delusional, or maybe not. You decide. 
• "It's Good to Be in Love" by Frou Frou. Had a hard time placing this one, but I'm just going to say she's not over this one. 
• "I Thought I Saw Your Face Today" by She and Him. 

Post-Breakup Songs (Sad) 

• "For No One" by The Beatles. I didn't really no this one until it came up on a radio show about the newly remastered Beatles collections, but it is gorgeous and simple and heartbreaking, and I love it. 
• "Woke Up New" by The Mountain Goats. Say what you will about this band in general, the lyrics to this song are priceless. "On the morning when I woke up without you for the first time, I felt free and I felt lonely and I felt scared. And I began to talk to myself almost immediately - not being used to being the only person there." 
• (I also think "End of May" by The Actual Tigers is the greatest song on this topic ever written, but can you listen to "End of May" in the middle of February? You decide.)
• "Blue Skies" or "The First Days of Spring" by Noah and the Whale. 
• "New American Classic" by Taking Back Sunday. This is kind of a song for people who don't like Taking Back Sunday. It's not really like their other stuff. It's also beautiful (in a really depressing, emo way). 
• "Sleeping With the Lights On" by Teitur. 
• "Reason Why" by Rachael Yamagata. I wasn't going to put it because it's on so many others, but it really is on of the best post-breakup songs I've ever heard. "I will head out alone and hope for the best - we can pat ourselves on the back and say that we tried." 

Good Riddance Songs/Bitter Breakup Songs

• "Sore Thumb" by The Format. "So please just leave, you don't mean that much to me." Best bitter song ever. 
• "Hate (I Really Don't Like You)" by The Plain White T's. "Now that it's over, I don't even know what I liked about you." 
• "Don't Think Twice, It's All Right" by Bob Dylan. Although I find this song incredibly sad, I think in general it's kind of a "yeah, this should have worked, but it didn't and it's your fault, so bye" kind of song. It's great. "I ain't saying you treated me unkind. You should have done better, but I don't mind. You just kind of wasted my precious time, but don't think twice - it's all right." 
• "Landed" by Ben Folds. This is more of a good riddance song (since he's going to jump directly into another relationship) but I love the line, "The daily dramas she made from nothing - so nothing ever made them right. She liked to push me and talk me back down 'til I believed I was the crazy one - and in a way, I guess I was." 
• "Nothing Better" by The Postal Service. My friend Audra suggested that this song may have been the inspiration for this comic. "I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear - I've prepared a lecture on why I have to leave." 
• "The Pointless, Yet Poignant Crisis of a Co-Ed" by Dar Williams. "And he said, 'Heh-heh. Looks like our dreams went up in smoke.' And I said, 'No, our dreams went up in . . . dreams. You stupid pothead." 
• "Paper Bag" by Fiona Apple. "I thought he was a man but he was just a little boy." Aw yeah. 

Dysfunctional Love

• "Skinny Love" by Bon Iver. I love this song beyond all reason, but as I was reading the lyrics I realized that, like so many songs I love, this one is not about a really healthy relationship. Please refer to the quote under the John Cusack picture on the left side of this page. 
• "Beware Your Only Friend" by Bonnie Prince Billy. "I want to be your only friend - is that scary?" I think I've posted this one before, but it's properly freaky. "That's where the seed of soul-sucking grows." Yeah. 
• "I Remember" by Damien Rice. I had a hard time deciding where to put this song because it starts out as a very sweet love song and ends up being this raging angsty breakup song, so we're going to go ahead and stick it here. 
• "Damn this Foolish Heart" by stellastarr*. It's tempting to create a category of "I just met you but now I'm in love with you" songs like this one, but essentially this is a nicer version of "Hello, I Love You" with a chorus about how he's going to go insane but he doesn't know her name. (stellastarr*, by the way, is great for people who like the 80s and are underserved on my playlists. They sound like they are straight out of the 80s.) 
• "All the Same" by Sick Puppies. I LOVE this song. I debated for awhile about where it should go, but I'm going to pick here because I think of it as kind of damaged, bagged-toting love. "Go ahead tell me you'll leave again. You'll just come back runnin', holdin' your scarred heart in hand." It could probably go in "Starting Something (Maybe)" but it all depends on your reading of the relationship. 

REALLY Dysfunctional Love 

• "The Rake's Song" by The Decemberists. I listened to this song many times before I realized just how disturbing it was. Oh, rock operas. How I love you. 
• "Young Lust" by Pink Floyd. Speaking of rock operas.
• "Stacey's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne. No explanation needed, I hope. 
• "Chloroform the One You Love" by Flickerstick. From my "Freaky Love" playlist. "Chloroform the one, the one that you love, take her back."
  
  
  

Long Distance Relationships (requested category)

• "So Far Away" by Dire Straits. I think this sums up everything that sucks about long distance. "I'm tired of making out on the telephone - 'cause you're so far away from me." (hehe)
• "So Far Away" by Carole King. Obviously. 
• "Ache for You" by Ben Lee. Maybe not QUITE a long distance relationship song, but I think the feeling is right. "There's no rhyme and there's no reason - you're the secret in the back of my skull." Lovely song. 
• "Raining in Baltimore" by The Counting Crows. "3,500 miles away - but what would you change if you could . . . I need a phone call." 
• "Set Fire to the Third Bar" by Snow Patrol (with Martha Wainwright). I'm really bitter that the Dear John commercials stole this song from me, but I'm striving to not let the association ruin it. It's a wonderful song. 
• "Ain't No Sunshine" (any version - I have a Paul McCartney cover and used to have a Sting cover, but it's a great song and there are many versions.) 
• "Transatlanticism" by Death Cab for Cutie. "I need you so much closer." Yeah. 
• "What'll I Do" by Irving Berlin. There's a nice Allison Krauss version. I guess this could also be a post-breakup song. 
• "I Get Along Without You Very Well" (Chet Baker version). See above. Same deal. It's lovely. 
• "Wishing You Were Here" by Chicago. Because . . . you know. 
• "Sleeping to Dream" by Jason Mraz. 
• "What Can I Say?" by Brandi Carlile. "I'm so sad since you went away, time, time is ticking on me - alone is the last place I wanted to be." 

Misc. Lost Love Songs

• "To Lose Someone" by Taken by Trees. Part of this album was recorded in Pakistan, which you can definitely hear in this song. It's lovely and tragic. 
• "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World
• "Turn On Me" by The Shins. "You had to know that I was fond of you - fond of Y-O-U." 
• "Ruby Tuesday" by The Rolling Stones. 

Lonely Hearts Songs

• "The Mexican Border" by Chris Merritt. Mostly for this line: "When you feel that alone it's hard to tell the difference between being alone and being unwanted. When you feel that alone, just remember - I'll be waiting for you." 
• "The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore" - Many versions, probably most famously the Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons version, but I like the Keane version. 
• "Alone Again Or" by Calexico. Because nothing says loneliness better than pseudo mariachi bands. 
• "Emotional Weather Report" by Tom Waits. Nothing's better when you're sad than hearing Tom talking about clouds forming in the southwest and south central areas of his apartment. It's a high pressure zone, "and precipitation is expected." 
• "Save" by The Rocket Summer. "I'm stuck all alone in the traffic lines, while couples in love in the HOV fly by." I know I've posted this before, but it's just perfect, isn't it? 
• "Bye Bye Blackbird" as performed by Peggy Lee. I can't even express how lovely this version is. "No one here can love or understand me . . ." If anyone else sings it I don't know if it comes off the same way, but this version is perfect here.  

Starting Something (Maybe) Songs

• "Take on Me" by A-ha (although I recommend the lovely A.C. Newman cover). 
• "Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want" by The Smiths (or there's a nice She and Him cover - both good)
• "Leggy Blonde" by Flight of the Conchords. 
• "Train Song" by Feist and Ben Gibbard. "What will I do if there's someone there with you - maybe someone you've always known? How do I know I can come and give to you love with no warning, and find you alone?" The uncertainty and hope are just lovely. 
• "In These Arms" by The Swell Season. I love the ambiguity of this song. It sounds like they just haven't quite been able to get things together, and maybe now they could because maybe they're meant for each other, but maybe not. Hmm. It's gorgeous. 
• "Relator" by Pete Yorn (duet with Scarlett Johansson because Pete Yorn has dreams. ) I'm not sure how I feel about either one of them in general, but I do enjoy this song, which could really go into several categories, but we're going to choose to see the upbeat sound as a hopeful sign and ignore some of the "You can leave whenever you want out" stuff. 
• "Boat Behind" by Kings of Convenience. I know it SAYS "I could never belong to you," but that's SO not what it means. 
• "Modern Nature" by Sondre Lerche. "If things go right, we're meant to be." All kinds of catchy. 
• "Desire" by Ryan Adams. I'm not positive that this is where this song goes, but I think there's enough hope in it to end up here.

Cheesy (But still tolerable) Love

• "Believer" by Ben Kweller. This song is incredibly cheesy, but it's one of the sweetest love songs I've ever heard, and I love it.
• "True Love" by Angels and Airwaves (which Dain has told me should not be listened to without the instrumental preceding track, "Star of Bethlehem." Trust him, he knows.) 
• "All I Want Is You" by Barry Louis Polisar. Separate it from the opening credits of Juno if you must, but "If you'd be a kiss I know I'd be a hug" is cute. 
• "First Day Of My Life" by Bright Eyes. Still one of my favorite love songs ever. EVER. 
• "I'd Like That" by XTC. "I'd be your Albert if you'd be Victoria." Great stuff. 
• "Baby It's Fact" by Hellogoodbye. Nothing better than a good glory of love song. I would also accept "Oh, It Is Love" or "Two Weeks in Hawaii." 
• "To Be Alone With You" by Sufjan Stevens. "I swam across Lake Michigan . . . to be alone with you." 
• "There Cannot Be a Close Second" by Copeland. It's adorable. 
• "You Make My Dreams Come True" by Hall and Oates. Thank you, (500) Days of Summer. I love this song. 

Somewhat Cheesy But Slightly More Realistic Love

• "Dying Day" by Brandi Carlile. Because it's awesome. 
• "Poison Cup" by M. Ward. "She said if love is a poison cup, then drink it up; 'cause a sip or a spoonful won't do nothing for you, 'cept mess you up." This is a weird metaphor for love, but it works - kind of an all in or nothing approach. 
• "If You Find Yourself Caught In Love" by Belle and Sebastien. "Things will change - I'm not saying overnight - you've got to start somewhere." I kind of feel like all real love songs should sound like this. 
• "Janet" by The Format. Just listen to it. 
• "Time Has Told Me" by Nick Drake (or "Northern Sky" - both have been on several of my playlists over the years.)
• "If It Be Your Will" by Leonard Cohen. I really like this song, but I might prefer the Antony version from the "Leonard Cohen: I'm Your Man" album. 
• "The Humpty Dumpty Love Song" by Travis. I know you'd think this would be up in the cheesy category, but it comes off as more of a "you can heal me" song, and I've always thought it was beautiful.  
• "I'm Glad There is You" sung by Sarah Vaughan. 

Mmm-mmm. (You know we need this category.)

• "Can't Get Enough of Your Love" by Barry White
• "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
• "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green
• "Business Time" by Flight of the Conchords. Hahaha. 

Other things that should be around here somewhere: 

• "Wilco: The Song" by Wilco. Because Wilco will always love you, even when you feel that no one else does. 
• "The Two Sides of Monsieur Valentine" by Spoon
• "Valentine" by Old 97s
• Any of the 5 versions of "My Funny Valentine" that I have - or any others. (I have Chet Baker, Tony Bennett, Ella Fitzgerald, Elvis Costello and The Miles Davis Quartet. Ha.) 

Adventures in Library Collection Failure

So yesterday I had several missions involving not one, but two libraries. I went to the Monroe County Public Library first, because I had to drop off a movie (Great Expectations starring Ioan Gruffudd, which confirmed two things for me: 1) I really love Ioan Gruffudd and 2) I really hate Great Expectations, even when Ioan Gruffudd is in it. Sad.) and I had something on hold (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8 Vol. 1. This is, in fact, a comic book, so yes, my geekery levels just skyrocketed, but I was hoping to supplement this checkout with some more credible stuff.)

Anyway, I went in and headed to a computer where I could access the OPAC because I needed a copy of Cyrano de Bergerac for book club. I searched for "Cyrano de Bergerac" and got the movie, the opera, the novelization, etc. but no plays. I tried changing my limits. I searched for just "Cyrano." Nothing.

So I went to the reference desk because I believe in that sort of thing, and the librarian also looked it up and got nothing. She looked up the author, she looked it up on Amazon, she looked it up 14 different ways for 15 minutes, and still there was nothing.

I still needed some other things, so I went downstairs to look at the new children's department and find the resource room, but the resource room wasn't readily jumping out at me, and I was running out of time, so I decided to look at the resource room when my class visits next week because I was planning to grab a couple of books that my professor said she was putting on reserve for my project.

I went to the Media library to look for our next Best Picture movie, Cavalcade. Nothing.

So when I finally went to the checkout desk, it was empty handed. "I've got something on reserve," I glumly told the clerk at the desk. He went to find it with a very straight face, but when he came back he was smirking. "Is this it?"

Yes. And I'm a giant geek who was really hoping that this would be one of four things I was checking out instead of one of one thing.

And also, shut up, smirky library clerk. I'm just curious, okay? You read enough stuff about the comic when you start subscribing to a Joss Whedon blog that you just have to wonder whether it's any good and I'm just wondering, okay? And ignore that part about my subscribing to a Joss Whedon blog, because that is not helping my geek levels to even out at all, is it?

Meanwhile, the IU library had Cyrano, although I think I ended up with some weird translations (but I'm kind of excited that one of them is the Anthony Burgess version and I secretly hope that Cyrano will speak in that made up language from A Clockwork Orange - if people have to offer appy polly loggies for their baddiwad behavior to Cyrano - well, that would just be awesome) and they also had Cavalcade, but the books I thought were on reserve weren't so in the end I had things for three different non-school projects and nothing for school. Thank goodness for Google books not actually having what I needed, but at least having the table of contents from the book I needed so I can use the name of the thing I wanted to do for my program.

Go Colts! (But I won't be watching.)

Every year, the Superbowl seems to fall on the same week as my birthday dinner with my family. This is annoying to me, because of course we watch it, and then there's football in the background of my birthday. Ick.
This year when I wasn't home, naturally the Superbowl is the weekend after my birthday, so there would have been no conflict. Additionally, one of my main beefs with the Superbowl is that I never care who's playing in it. Ever. We don't have a pro football team in Utah, and I don't have any connection to any other football team - but this year I'm in Indiana and the Indianapolis Colts are in it, so there's a ton of Colts fever (including some horseshoe-shaped cupcake cakes in Kroger yesterday).
All this considered though, my Superbowl Sunday evening will be spent with Ann and some of the other non-football-loving compatriots from the branch. We'll be eating snooty foods and watching British things - basically British Sunday + smoked salmon and stuffed mushrooms.
Aw yeah.

Favorite quote of the week from the AV Club's Tolerability Index under "Mildly Irritating": 'People who claim they watch the Superbowl for the commercials. That's like saying you go to the dentist for the magazines. There are easier ways.'
Also, for those of you ladies who can't get out of watching football today,  Win teams!


(Don't worry everyone, my now annual Valentine's Day playlist will be up soon.)