I've been thinking for the last couple of days (read: since I started working on my official CD for listening to on Valentine's Day) about my somewhat ridiculous attitude toward a certain holiday that is mere moments away.I blame stores for part of this attitude - by putting out their V-day merchandise before Thanksgiving is technically over, they give me plenty of time to build up a lot of dread. "Huh," I say as I walk through aisles full of big stuffed crocodiles and aardvarks with hearts attached to their snouts, "We must be coming up on Valentine's Day. And even though we are months away, I'm sure that this will be another one that I spend single. Hunky freaking dory."
Now, this would not be bad if I only had to think about it for two or three weeks (you know, start sometime after we take down the Martin Luther King, Jr. Day decorations), but when you have to dread it for more than one month and every time you enter a store you are more aware of the fact that you still don't have anyone, it gets a little sketchy.
But here's the thing. 1)It's not like everyone has someone on Valentine's Day. Far from it. And 2) those who do are not necessarily having a better time than the single people, because they have to worry about buying presents and planning something romantical.
I also don't get the general girl anger toward boys who don't ask them out on V-day. C'mon. Who wants to have a first date - an already awkward circumstance - on the most romantically loaded day of the year?
Also, what difference does it make if I don't have someone on Valentine's Day? It is no reflection on my personal self worth if I'm single on an arbitrary day in the middle of February - no more so than it is on any other day of the year. So why should I sit around eating a lot of chocolate and feeling lonely? I see no reason not to celebrate.
And so, surprisingly, my final SAD playlist ended up being mostly happy - it starts out with a few semi-bitter songs, then goes into some liberation songs, and we end up with some pro-love (but not necessarily pro-Valentine's Day) songs, finishing off with Lindsey's suggestion of "If You Find Yourself Caught In Love" by Belle and Sebastian and "God Only Knows" by the Beach Boys. You may have noticed the beginnings of this trend in the original list, but it is more so now. (I did leave "On the Bound" and all of the Valentine's Day songs on - among other things - because they are fun and I enjoy pretending bitterness even if I don't really care right now.)
As I consider the last few V-days, none of them have been bad. At all. In fact, the last time I had a boyfriend (2004, ladies and gentlemen) trying to figure out how to work the holiday launched us into a fight and it barely ended up being a goodish day. Singlehood has granted me all kinds of fun opportunities from muraling parties to ridiculous first dates to the dollar theater. And although I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do tomorrow, I'm sure it will be fine. Who knows how much longer I'll be able to celebrate the day of love without feeling the need to buy someone something they don't want?
