Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Perfecting Loneliness

I've been thinking for the last couple of days (read: since I started working on my official CD for listening to on Valentine's Day) about my somewhat ridiculous attitude toward a certain holiday that is mere moments away.
I blame stores for part of this attitude - by putting out their V-day merchandise before Thanksgiving is technically over, they give me plenty of time to build up a lot of dread. "Huh," I say as I walk through aisles full of big stuffed crocodiles and aardvarks with hearts attached to their snouts, "We must be coming up on Valentine's Day. And even though we are months away, I'm sure that this will be another one that I spend single. Hunky freaking dory."
Now, this would not be bad if I only had to think about it for two or three weeks (you know, start sometime after we take down the Martin Luther King, Jr. Day decorations), but when you have to dread it for more than one month and every time you enter a store you are more aware of the fact that you still don't have anyone, it gets a little sketchy.
But here's the thing. 1)It's not like everyone has someone on Valentine's Day. Far from it. And 2) those who do are not necessarily having a better time than the single people, because they have to worry about buying presents and planning something romantical.
I also don't get the general girl anger toward boys who don't ask them out on V-day. C'mon. Who wants to have a first date - an already awkward circumstance - on the most romantically loaded day of the year?
Also, what difference does it make if I don't have someone on Valentine's Day? It is no reflection on my personal self worth if I'm single on an arbitrary day in the middle of February - no more so than it is on any other day of the year. So why should I sit around eating a lot of chocolate and feeling lonely? I see no reason not to celebrate.
And so, surprisingly, my final SAD playlist ended up being mostly happy - it starts out with a few semi-bitter songs, then goes into some liberation songs, and we end up with some pro-love (but not necessarily pro-Valentine's Day) songs, finishing off with Lindsey's suggestion of "If You Find Yourself Caught In Love" by Belle and Sebastian and "God Only Knows" by the Beach Boys. You may have noticed the beginnings of this trend in the original list, but it is more so now. (I did leave "On the Bound" and all of the Valentine's Day songs on - among other things - because they are fun and I enjoy pretending bitterness even if I don't really care right now.)
As I consider the last few V-days, none of them have been bad. At all. In fact, the last time I had a boyfriend (2004, ladies and gentlemen) trying to figure out how to work the holiday launched us into a fight and it barely ended up being a goodish day. Singlehood has granted me all kinds of fun opportunities from muraling parties to ridiculous first dates to the dollar theater. And although I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do tomorrow, I'm sure it will be fine. Who knows how much longer I'll be able to celebrate the day of love without feeling the need to buy someone something they don't want?

Friday, January 18, 2008

A rant.

So there are some things that bother me. This should not come as a shock to any of you who know me - there are actually many that bother me, and I often complain about them. I'm probably not going to apologize for that now.
So here's the thing. Have you ever noticed that when it comes to relationships (or anything related to them) everyone is an expert? And they expect their amazing advice/insight to be helpful to you?
For example, I've always had issues with the phrase, "You should date him." Oh, what a good idea! I never thought of that before! Well, I'll just get right on that and date him! I mean really, what does that mean?
But the one that was bugging me today was the answer to the (probably stupid - sorry) question, "How's married life?" "Oh, it's great. I recommend it!" Oh. Well, if you recommend it, I'll look into it! I wasn't sure it was a good idea before, but now I'm SOLD. Perhaps next they will write me a review. Give me the thumbs up. Four stars.
I realize that it's petty of me to criticize people in their utter newlywed bliss. I just think it's time for people to realize that just because they found a relationship does not mean they know how to get other people into relationships - nor should they worry too much about doing so. I've got it covered. Or even if I don't, that's my business. I need neither admonitions nor recommendations.
Thank you.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

A Really Long Post

I'm going to do something weird. I wrote a paper (more like an article) for my Teaching Writing class, and it's about something I've been thinking about during the last week, especially after some of the response I got to my opposition to Referendum 1 this week (you'll see what I mean.) I'm going to post it. I was going to abridge it, but I like it, and even if no one reads it all the way through, I'll feel good about it.

Those Who Can, Teach

The stereotype stems from second-hand memories of one room school houses and the old maid school teacher who runs a tight ship and wears a tight bun and keeps her mouth in a tight, unsmiling line. Bitter because she couldn’t get married, the teacher is so immersed in her books that she has no concept of love, life, humanity. The old adage rings in the collective conscious like a school bell: those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.
I didn’t realize until recently, during a discussion about a piece of education legislation with a friend, that some people still think of their school experience in terms of slates and potbellied stoves. “I’m not saying this is or will be you,” my friend said earnestly, “but most teachers (I know this is a stereotype, so don’t hate me) have never been married, and they don’t really know what it’s like to raise kids. They hear other teachers talking about what a bad idea something is and they just jump on the bandwagon without understanding what’s going on.”
His roommate chimed in. “I’m for [this legislation] for one reason: the teachers’ union is against it. My policy to always go against what the teachers want has served me well so far, and I don’t plan to change it.”
Aghast, I wondered why I was training to be a teacher if people whose children I would be teaching were already against me, were sure that my (and my colleagues’) view was less educated than theirs, were determined to undermine my efforts to create an educated population, were still willing to believe that teachers are nothing more than a group of bitter old maids who have no special abilities and therefore have no choice but to stand in front of a classroom. Tight lipped women who crave the attention of young minds because they don’t get it anywhere else, and who know nothing about children but that they must be taught to read and write. My future.
All commentary about how many teachers are mothers or male aside (I can only remember two teachers who came anywhere close to fitting my friend’s outdated description), teachers are, as a group, qualified, caring, informed individuals. Who knows more about children than teachers, who see hundreds of them every day and who are specially trained to work with the students—all kinds of students—who turn up in their classes?
Despite the all-too-apparent fact that, as any parent will tell you, children do not come with an instruction manual, teachers take classes to learn things (important ones) about the development of a child that many parents never even think to research, either because they believe that they need merely use a little trial and error until they unlock their innate parenting ability or because (more likely) they are simply busy and tired and hard working and don’t have the time. Thankfully, it’s part of a teacher’s training program to learn these things. They take classes about child or adolescent development; they study the reasons that teens are angsty or reckless (stupid) or emotional, and they learn the best ways to teach those still-developing brains. And the days of writing themes and diagramming sentences or lecturing from textbooks and writing equations for the students to copy are largely things long since past; teachers are trained to teach to “multiple intelligences” using Howard Gardner’s theories about the different ways people learn and the many ways that people can be smart. Despite the obligation teachers have to prepare their students to take standardized tests, most do not restrict their teaching to bubble sheets and multiple choice.
Teachers in training take multicultural education classes that help them to understand the problems facing some of their students and the challenges they will face teaching students who don’t speak English. While some parents’ solution is “Deport them!” good teachers—teachers who truly love their students regardless of their shape and size and color—know that every child deserves a chance to learn, the chance to be something special; this fact does not change in accordance with the place they or their parents were born. The problems associated with teaching to multiple cultures in a system that supports hegemony are not small and have no easy solutions, but presenting the elimination of the other cultures from the picture is neither helpful nor responsible (not only because it isn’t possible, but because it is unjust and unreasonable to expect one’s children to be educated while denying another child the same privilege). Teachers are taught, not to “deal” with multicultural students but how to give every student as much chance of success as possible. They know and understand the issues facing education as well as (and probably better than) most of the parents of their students, and for most it is more a matter of caring about the students than caring about their own interests.
Teachers are taught to teach to students with special needs, students who will appear in their classrooms, whether parents think that inclusive classrooms are a good idea or not. The government legislates that students with disabilities will be place in their least restrictive environment, and that doesn’t mean putting those students in a home or even putting them in a special education classroom. Additionally, not all students with disabilities are visibly or obviously disabled: teachers are taught ways to accommodate for students with learning disabilities of all kinds, ADD, visual and hearing impairment—anything that would prevent a student from functioning “normally” (an increasingly meaningless term) in the classroom.
In addition to being trained to give as much help as possible to every kind of student, teachers are trained to manage their classrooms effectively; although not every teacher is good at management, most parents are unaware of all of the work that goes into making a classroom run smoothly, of the procedures that must be in place for a class to function successfully, of the lesson planning that must consider everything from the needs of the students to the layout of the classroom.
Teaching, far from being a profession populated solely by those who could do nothing else, is not for the faint of heart. According to the U.S. Department of Education, “A 1996 study in North Carolina found that 17 percent of the state's teachers leave the profession after the first year in the classroom, 30 percent by the end of 3 years and 36 percent by 5 years” (http://www.ed.gov/). Teaching is hard work, and many teachers go out into the field without much support, largely because the need for teachers is so desperate in our country right now that there isn’t time for school to offer additional help and training. If those teaching are only “those who can’t,” how are they surviving in a field that is losing so many?
Teachers are, for many children, the first gateway into the world. English teachers open the doors of reading and writing, provide students with a sense of world citizenship and a voice with which they can express themselves; science teachers unlock the keys to the way the world works and reveal the unsolved mysteries left for the students to attempt to solve; history teachers give students a sense of where we come from and open the doors of possibility for the future; math teachers help students to make sense of their world and its complexities.
When I was in 8th grade, I took my parents to a conference with my science teacher. I got good grades in his class and other classes, and he asked what I wanted to do with my life. Even then, I knew that I wanted to be a teacher. “Oh no,” he said, “You need to be a doctor or lawyer or something.” As if those were more valuable professions. As if the higher salary I would be paid would mean that I was more educated. As if teaching the next generation of doctors and lawyers and scientists and politicians and writers would not be a worthwhile use of my time.
As if there would be another generation of doctors and lawyers and scientists without capable, hardworking teachers who choose to teach because they want to make a difference—and not because they can’t do anything else.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Yay!


Thank you, Matt Haggard, for introducing me to xkcd. Wow.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Bah.

Some weeks are very good weeks. I'm not sure this was one of them.
First. I am so sick of fighting with myself to get anything done. After the first two days of this week I had absolutely no motivation to get anything done...and didn't. For some reason I just can't sit down and accomplish anything (even now, which is why I'm blogging.)I hate it, but . . . bah.
Second. I keep losing minutes. I keep doing things and then having no recollection of doing them. This morning I washed my hair twice because I honestly couldn't remember washing it the first time. How do you do something without even noticing that you did it?
Third. There are times when I get really sick of being single, and when anything comes close to something happening I go crazy. I hate being a stupid girl. I hate my own insecurities, my complexes that tell me that I am and always will be the awesome "friend," that I am not really dating material because they probably can't imagine kissing me, etc. And the thing is I definitely send myself over the deep end really quickly - it happens in a matter of a day or two - one minute I'm confident, the next I'm an idiot. I am not a stupid girl - why do I act like it?
I am really annoyed with myself right now. And I don't know why I'm telling you all this, but you love me, so I feel okay about it.
Bleah and double bleah.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Mediocrity

I was just reading my friend Amanda's blog (actually a blog from February, but she doesn't write very often, so I don't check very often) and she had this incredible post about feeling that she was destined to do something extraordinary with her life. It got me thinking about my own life and what I want to do, and so I'm going to ramble for a little while.
Tonight I went to the first meeting of my brother's movie club. We plan to make short films once a month and see what we can accomplish. It was amazing to me how many people were there and ready to create. They had ideas they'd been saving for days or weeks or years, and they didn't just want to create any old ward talent show movie - they wanted to create something they could be proud of. Honestly, I never would have thought to start something like this, and I'm not sure I would have been as excited to join if it weren't for the fact that two of my brothers are also members and I'm looking forward to being a part of something with them (I never got to be on the softball teams). But I definitely started to catch the spirit. And really, shouldn't I be surprised that there aren't MORE people who want to do awesome creative things and take time out of the daily plodding on to do something better? I have a lot of respect for Clark for starting the club, which to him is another step toward fulfilling his dreams of writing screenplays and making movies.
I'm afraid that too often I settle for mediocre because it's easier than trying to create something better. I have really been struggling to write good papers this semester because I can get by with late night seat-of-my-pants writing, and I'm tired and sick of pouring out my heart and soul for a grade. At the same time, I am very passionate about the things I'm learning this semester (so much so that I'm probably driving everyone I know crazy talking about it all the time). Actually I'm passionate about a lot of things. I want to find ways to make all of those passions and opinions and enlightened (supposedly) thoughts count. I can't imagine that I can have been made for anything ordinary.
This is really cheesy and I'm not really saying what I want to say. I'm going to post it anyway. That's what the internet is all about, right?

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Vindication

So today I was in my Lit and Film class, and we had a discussion questions that was something about the character of Jane Eyre and why she's so appealing and whether or not she's a feminist. Now, I think Jane's actions go beyond feminism, but I was a little annoyed when some of the members of my group got a little scared of the word "feminism." Some of the girls started saying things like, "Well, she's not a man-hater" and "she's not a bra-burner . . ." Who are these people and how did they get into a 300 level English class? Feminism did exist before the 1970s, kids, even if it didn't have the name yet, and it is still evolving. Not all feminists are crazy extremists.
What really bothered me was that these were all upper-level English majors who should have known the other definitions of the term. The only person who supported me when I started defending it was the only boy in the group. I was very grateful that he, at least, was familiar with A Room of One's Own and some ideas beyond so-called "Nazi-feminism." But how sad that the girls didn't know that feminism can be more than man-hating! The first class I took that gave me any kind of good understanding of contemporary feminism was taught by a male professor.
Phil Snyder: "Don't you ever get an icky look on your face when you hear the word "feminism."
Thank you Phil. Please spread the word, because I think we had some people who missed the memo, and apparently they were some of our own.
It's so important for women to read and listen to what other women have to say. I think it's time to start listening.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Back Off, Simon

I'm feeling particularly disturbed about the world tonight. Why? The Jazz aren't playing again until Saturday. That's not the problem. The reason they aren't playing until then is that the NBA is planning their schedule around American Idol.
American Idol? Really? I thought it would take at least 4 or 5 more years before Simon Cowell took over administration of the country. I guess I was too optimistic. (A note: Todd was my source for this information, and as it is a blog, I did no additional research. I reserve the right to be enraged without concrete proof. If it's not true and you base your term paper on it, it isn't my fault. That is all.)

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

So it was annoying when construction started on the JKB last year, but I didn't have too much trouble going around the fenced off areas. It was really obnoxious when they blocked off the parking lot across from the Glenwood so we had to jaywalk or go around the side to get to school. It was annoying a week ago when they blocked off even the side of that parking lot to expand the construction, but I dealt with it, making sure I got across the street in time to go up next to the Riv.
But this time they've gone too far.
Yesterday morning, Jennie texted me before school and told me that I should go to school through the Tanner Building because the hill next to Helaman Halls was closed. About five minutes later she texted me again and told me that I needed to go around the side of the Tanner Building because the front was closed. So when I walked to school I went around to a random side door, and when I got there, I couldn't go through the double glass doors and to the stairs. I had to go down the hall and back around because they decided to put caution tape on the doors!
What on earth are they thinking? Why does every route to campus have to be closed at the same time?
Ugh. I can't wait to move south of campus. It will probably be just in time for them to expand the testing center.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

There's a reason it was a bestseller, and you haven't grasped it yet.

Today I finished reading Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine, and it was absolutely delightful. What didn't delight me was that I waited so long to read it because I wasn't incredibly impressed by the movie (and I'd never heard of the book until the movie came out.) It was fun, and the guy who plays Char is quite attractive, but it was kind of silly. Turns out they completely ruined the story! There is almost nothing in the movie that comes from the book, especially not the end. What on earth was going on with the crazy plotting uncle? Seriously!
I've decided that there should be an ordinance against making fantasy movies on low budgets and without someone who absolutely adores the book. (Lord of the Rings was a good fantasy movie because it had the right director/screenwriters and a HUGE budget, plus everyone working on the movie was dedicated to Tolkien's vision. I don't expect every movie to be on this scale, but honestly. If you can't do it right don't do it. And actually, Ella would have been easier the way it was written!) I realize that it's an adaptation, but that doesn't mean you have to change the entire (and already lovely) story.
I'm cringing at the thought that someone might do the same thing to Twilight. It could be good . . . but it could be so bad. Everyone keep your fingers crossed like two crossed things that they do it right or drop the project altogether.

Friday, April 6, 2007

Down With Dirty Books

I'm doing an assignment on censorship for my Adolescent Lit class, and I just looked up the list of 100 most frequently challenged books. There were quite a few on there that I'd read - I mean, Harry Potter was right there near the top, and the most challenged book is Scary Stories, which I'm pretty sure we all read in elementary school. My roommate Mandy just bought them in October to read to her 7th grade practicum class on Halloween. But my favorite challenge was number 88: Where's Waldo? by Martin Hanford.
Where's Waldo?
Really?
I looked it up to see if I could find out why - apparently there is an "exposed woman" in the beach scene. It was changed in later editions, so don't worry.
Insidious book, bombarding our eyes with centimeter high naked cartoon women. Down with such trash! Burn it! Also Harry Potter. Evil!
My teacher had a different story. She said it was challenged because apparently there is a picture in which Waldo is looking in a mirror and he has no reflection! Meaning . . . what? He's a vampire? A devil? I prefer to believe the first story, if only because there is some actual case for objecting, but I wouldn't put it past those Harry Potter hating book burners. (I'm sorry, did that sound like an attack? Because it was.)

Yeah. Keep up the good work, people. Protect our children.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

The X Factor

I realize that this is my third post today, but the novelty hasn't worn off yet, and it's Saturday.
A few months ago my roommates and I conducted a little survey. We decided to try to find out why some girls are date magnets and others are perpetually "good friends." Our survey was, unfortunately, inconclusive. Apparently the only difference between the girl you ask out and the girl you ask for advice is a nebulous "x factor," and apparently some girls have got it and some girls don't. It isn't always a matter of looks or common interests or personality (maybe it's smell, eh, Lili?) but something makes some girls the stuff that dreams are made of while my beautiful roommates and I are the BFFs (that is, until the boys get married, at which point we become invisible.)
The thing is, we have a LOT of guy friends. Last winter we had to hide in our rooms for awhile because we got tired of the constant flow of men in our living room. Most of us had a few guys after us during most of the semester (that semester. The current state of events doesn't seem to be quite so favorable . . . but I'll get to that), or at least so I've been told. Why, then, do so many of us remain so firmly single (and largely dateless)? As far as I'm concerned, my roommates are beautiful and hilarious (we are the hottest thing since soup, and see our quote wall for evidence of our witty tongues). Are we, as some seemed to think, so amazing that we are intimidating? Doubtful, unless every boy we know is a pansy. Are we unappreciated because we are ever-present and our glory has been dimmed? (Sorry for that bit of sarcasm.) Could it be that someone is unaware of just how single we are? Do they think that because we are so single we are incapable of having relationships? (How do we know if no one will try us?) I'd attibute it to our feminist tendencies, but that shouldn't hurt anyone but Miri and me, and Miri has a boyfriend now.
This may go down as one of the great mysteries of BYU, so if you want to be a detective, now is your chance.