I realize that this is my third post today, but the novelty hasn't worn off yet, and it's Saturday.A few months ago my roommates and I conducted a little survey. We decided to try to find out why some girls are date magnets and others are perpetually "good friends." Our survey was, unfortunately, inconclusive. Apparently the only difference between the girl you ask out and the girl you ask for advice is a nebulous "x factor," and apparently some girls have got it and some girls don't. It isn't always a matter of looks or common interests or personality (maybe it's smell, eh, Lili?) but something makes some girls the stuff that dreams are made of while my beautiful roommates and I are the BFFs (that is, until the boys get married, at which point we become invisible.)
The thing is, we have a LOT of guy friends. Last winter we had to hide in our rooms for awhile because we got tired of the constant flow of men in our living room. Most of us had a few guys after us during most of the semester (that semester. The current state of events doesn't seem to be quite so favorable . . . but I'll get to that), or at least so I've been told. Why, then, do so many of us remain so firmly single (and largely dateless)? As far as I'm concerned, my roommates are beautiful and hilarious (we are the hottest thing since soup, and see our quote wall for evidence of our witty tongues). Are we, as some seemed to think, so amazing that we are intimidating? Doubtful, unless every boy we know is a pansy. Are we unappreciated because we are ever-present and our glory has been dimmed? (Sorry for that bit of sarcasm.) Could it be that someone is unaware of just how single we are? Do they think that because we are so single we are incapable of having relationships? (How do we know if no one will try us?) I'd attibute it to our feminist tendencies, but that shouldn't hurt anyone but Miri and me, and Miri has a boyfriend now.
This may go down as one of the great mysteries of BYU, so if you want to be a detective, now is your chance.
10 comments:
Hmm... perplexing problem. I'm not sure that I am the best one to pose an answer to this one, as the last time I went out on a date was... well a year, and that was an awkward situation in and of itself.
In any case, what makes me want to ask a girl out... initially, it's just looks. On the Date/No Date scale, a cute girl will tip the scale (no pun intended) towards the Date side. I don't stop there though, after that, I continue to assess (no pun here, either) the situation. If no major issues come to light (such as a boyfriend, doh, doh, doh!!! or other miscompatability issues) I'll try and pursue. Try is the key word here.
Oh, and just for the record, I'd totally go out with you Megan!
Megan... We are quite attractive. Not just quite, but VERY attractive. This will still remain the mystery of the ages. Good glorious, if I don't get asked out on a date soon, I will probably... kick... something. I still think it is because we are intimidating. You aren't over feministic at all, infact, you are quite a fun girl for guys to talk to. Boys are just lame. Sigh. Someday, Megan.
For the record, this post wasn't a plea for sympathy - it's a burning question! But I appreciate the validation from my lovely friends. Thanks kids. :)
Oh, i understand that as well. It is the question of the ages. All I know is the answer is 42.
well, for one thing most guys, (contrary to popular belief) are scared and most likely will not make a move until invited to do so. I cant speak for everyone but whenever the pressure is lightened for the guy, the chances are better he will ask you out. Dont expect the guy to do everything either cause, well, he won't. Usually dating is a game and some people are good at it, and then the rest of us fail. Life is just like that I guess...
What is the X Factor?
After contemplating this question for some hours, conversing with others, and looking to literature for illumination on the subject I set my hand to writing an explanation of the way I feel about this most vexing variable.
I am convinced that the process of getting to know and becoming close to someone is essentially the same whether pursuing friendship or romantic interest: shared experience and meaningful personal interaction. Therefore, I believe that the root beginning of the path two people follow—romantic or friendly—is the pace and nonverbal communication of interpersonal interactions.
Since the days of courtly love in the Middle Ages, men have written about their need to acquire the unattainable woman. According to The Rules, a book meant to bring women success in courtship, the competitive nature of man draws him to the challenge of attaining the unattainable woman. Should women accept a man’s interest too readily, he will not be inspired to pursue her. I have noticed this myself to some degree as well. I have a habit of making small talk with strangers on the way back from devotional which led to a good conversation with Emily (none of you would know her, but I like to use names). Since the walk is not a long one, I was left wanting more. I cannot say I have been burned out by the openness of some women, but I know that mystery does draw me in. Some women may be inherently mysterious in nature; the allure of the unattainable.
Another factor contributing to the way a relationship develops is the manner of unspoken interaction between two individuals. Some women naturally treat men differently than women. By unspoken cues men infer the different intentions of women regarding them. This was the most solid conclusion among the men with whom I conversed. This is not to say that men have two file folders into which they classify each woman: one set labeled ‘date’ and the other labeled ‘friend.’ However, I do believe that when men are inspired to date, those small, unspoken communications will be an unconscious X factor that convinces them to try their hand at asking certain young women out over others. Men put themselves on the line to ask women out, and they will generally go for the ones who show more interest.
That is it. I am no authority, but at the moment this represents my opinion on the matter. The levels of mystery and unspoken communication shown by women are major components of the X factor. As more information comes to my attention and through the ensuing discussion of each individual’s viewpoints, we will all close in on our quarry and eventually bag the elusive X factor.
You rock, Megan! This entry made my day. Also, a woman in my ward just lent me Twilight, so I was pretty jazzed to see you talking it up here (and on facebook!). I will let you know what I think!
Oh, Megan. The grand and unsolveable mysteries of the universe.
Today in a moment of profound irritation I decided that if boys (who shall remain nameless) are too indecisive or too pansy-ish to follow through, then they're not worth it to me. Ha. Now I just have to convince myself I really believe that.
In other news, Stephenie Meyer is speaking at a symposium on Saturday. At the Provo Library. Registration is $84. I'm sorry.
So I have been pondeing this question for a long time...but from the perspective from a guy. I would like to know why there are ceritan GUYS that are also pegged as "the friend".
But in answer to the question I would say that there are a few factors that cause guys to ask out girls. Let me leave my disclaimer that I am not a super social butterfly, so there is a lot of observation in what I say, mixed with a little experiance.
From my perspective I like to ask out girls that have some sort of inclination towards me, such as will talk to me and laugh at my crazy sense of humor. Common interest are good, but i think that differences are good as well. I have noticed that i am attracted to girls that have some common interests, but mostly they help me learn and see things differently. I think that one big thing is that the girl has to be available, not in the sense of not having a boyfriend (although it helps that she is not going out with someone). I think girls that have equal part in the meeting/visiting/hanging out responsibility. Guys have the responsibility of visiting girls, asking girls out and the like, and i know that, but I think that girls, sometimes, but not extremly often, should do a little as well to also let their wants and intentions know unto the guys.(and remember guys are not very observant at times, so help us out a little) (i just realized that i think that i am totally off the topic of what i was trying to discuss, oh well...). In closing I dont know if there is an X-factor...but if there is I would like someone to let me know where I can get some...:) We all screw up, and i know that i have my fair share, but that dosent mean that we dont care...
ok, I wasn't going to do this, but I guess I can't leave it hanging. I haven't read more than Geoff's comment, but I hold to the fact that it is happiness. Of course, that word has such a range of meaning that the only safe definition any more is to define it as a pleasant sensation. I am meaning something more. I refer to the state that we get into where we are perfectly content with being where we are and doing what we are doing, while still progressing towards a greater existence. Whew. If that's not an oxy-moron. Complete contentedness with ones' situation while striving for something more. Anyway, it could also be used as a definition for humility. The point is that most people are at some point of getting there. There are also some people who are able to act like this, even if they don't feel it. There are also those who are closer to this then they will admit (even to themselves). In the particular arena of dating, this would be where you are perfectly content with being single (or with being with your significant other), and are conscientiously working to be a better person to marry, but are not worrying about the need to be a better person to marry.
There is still the danger of these people being the BFF's and not the GF's, but at the least they have regular positive contact with the opposite gender. If I had to say a single thing that moves a girl from being BFF to GF without moving her to the point of inaccessibility, it would be a flaw. An endearing flaw that is just vaguely sensed, but not pinned down, gives the person a mysteriousness and a "hidden depth" while making them human enough to "be in your league".
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