Update

I can't believe how long it's been since I updated my blog! I've had plenty to write about, but life has been crazy and I haven't had time. (Or haven't made time, because when I've had time I've been watching Lost. Yes, really.)
So exciting things in the last little while: My roommates and I went to Jonathan's 80s revival party (photo evidence appears here) and it was hilarious. Whitney and I went to the Hunger Banquet on campus and were seated in the top 15% upper class section, which we felt a little awkward about,but the whole experience was amazing, especially Valerie Hudson's keynote speech and the Hari Krishnas telling us that it was okay if we didn't want to chant Shanti - only the people who wanted peace needed to. I'm going today to the teacher fair on campus in the hopes of making some contact with prospective employers, and I'm mad that I left my jump drive on campus because I didn't save my revised resume to my computer so I have to revise again. Lame. And Drew comes home this Friday!

Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.

I am very tired. I think it has something to do with walking around a classroom all day trying to coerce kids into writing. "What?" they shriek. "You want us to write three-fourths of a page?"
"Yes," I reply. "And no double-spacing on those wide rule lines."
I mean seriously. I'm not asking them to do anything hard, but I guess that asking them to do something besides sit and stare at me is unreasonable. It's days like today that make me wonder about this whole thing, days when I realize how much I'm counting down to the end of student teaching, how much I currently can't wait to be done and get my diploma so that I can do this forever. Yikes. I really don't know how I feel about that.
I have to admit that on those rare occasions when I get them writing and they're really writing - excited about what they've thought to write about, eager to share their ideas with me, writing twice or three times the requirement I set - those are good times. It's those kids who look at me like I asked them to drop their pants and walk into the front office who really get under my skin - the kids who scream wasted potential from the tips of their bleached hair to the soles of their inked up shoes. The kids who- when prompted by the promise of candy- give me really insightful answers and prove that some little part of their brain is getting it.
Yesterday I looked at some journals my 8th graders had turned in. One said, "I'm smarter than I act. I talk a lot and people don't think I'm smart, but I get all As and Bs." It makes me want to cry that in middle school it's a unwritten sin to act smart.
And I can't help but wonder what I can do to make learning more interesting, more exciting. Is there a way to make it something they want to do? I can't figure out how to make it more exciting, no matter how much I reference my textbooks and notes. Am I a boring teacher or are they just bored because they choose not to be engaged?
Meanwhile, there is a newly instituted bright spot in every week. My friend Kellie and I started having a weekly movie night and it has now grown significantly. She has several edited movies and we have a list of other things we want to see, and it makes me very happy to gather with other movie fiends to devour one incredible film after another. These are the same girls with whom I frequented international cinema last semester - now we gather in Kellie's living room. So far we've watched Pan's Labyrinth, The Motorcycle Diaries, and tonight The Shawshank Redemption. It's a bright spot of intellectual stimulation, where it's okay to watch meaningful, insightful and beautiful movies. (One of my pet peeves is the frequency- in a college situation, I might add -of comments like, "I'm too tired to think. Let's not watch (insert quality thinking movie title here) tonight." Which is inevitably followed by popping in some inane movie that I've already seen more times than is really necessary (once, in the case of some movies) and talking through it. Watching real movies doesn't make me nearly as tired; it leaves me uplifted and feeling more hopeful about the state of the world. Seeing them with other people lets me know I'm not alone on this, and for that I am grateful.

I'm sick of that last post.

So I'm trying to plug through to the end, and I am so close I can taste it, but I am sick of the library already. I feel so bad for the people who have to spend all semester, every semester here.
Meanwhile, I'm approaching my last couple of days of hard core homework! Ever! (Unless I go to grad school. At the moment that prospect sounds less than appealing, but maybe after I have time to rejuvenate a little I'll be more amenable to the idea..) Anyway, I have 4.5 lesson plans, the rest of my unit planning assignment, the remaining 6 pages of my Hitchcock paper (and a LOT of revising on the first 9) and a few paltry tests and then I'll be the teacher. Mwahaha.
Not going to lie, I am not sorry at the thought of being through writing giant papers for awhile, no matter how scared of student teaching I am. Besides, I have cute new clothes to teach in, so it can't be all bad, right? (Mostly I'm just in a good mood about teaching because Dr. Thursby LOVED the unit that I planned last week - which is going to evolve into the unit I turn in this week, so that bodes well I think.)
Tomorrow is our lovely Jennie's birthday, so I've already blocked out the evening hours to go to the Bombay House and to watch Harry Potter 5, which Jennie is thinking of buying for herself. But since I will, no doubt, not be done with my project yet, and since Jennie also has a project, we decided to have the after-party in the library. We fully intend to close it out, (2 AM BABY! I'm SO glad I get to do this once more before graduation) and I really hope that by then I will be finished. I am so grateful that I had the option of doing my Hitchcock final on Thursday so that I could wait to turn that paper in until Monday - it saved my bacon and my mind. I'll be working on it during the Friday reading day and some of Saturday (and let's be honest, probably part of Monday too) with the MO TAB CHRISTMAS CONCERT jammed in there somewhere. Yay.
I'm actually looking forward to finals week - by 5:00 Monday at the latest (the last possible time to turn in my paper) I will only have a few pretty easy finals to worry about, and you know what that means!
Or maybe you don't, so I'll tell you. It means Gilmore Girls marathons! Soon to become a finals week tradition, we are prepared this time, because Miri just bought season 5, and since we are humanities-ish majors, we are pretty much home free once we get through the projects. I'll probably go to the movies a few times too. :)
I just realized that this is a very boring post. I'm putting off writing my lesson plans. In fact, I'm in the middle of one, but they aren't really useful because they are plans for what I would have taught if I'd been able to work things out with my cooperating teacher (but will never actually teach), and I have issues with things that aren't going to do anything but get me points. When did that happen? I used to do anything just for points! Am I a better student now that I am taking my actual learning seriously, or was I a better student when I got all of my homework done no matter what? I feel like it's the latter, but why?

Random/Disorganized Thoughts/Updates

Good news. I survived.
I finished my giant paper that was due at 4:00 at 4:00 (I was just putting the last touches on the works cited page) and got it in about 10 minutes late. Dr. Dean didn't care, so all was well. I must say that any paper that I wrote in two days should probably not be impossible to staple (13 pages plus drafts and grade sheets) but what are you going to do? Many thanks to Brad and Jonathan for saving me from throwing my neck and back out with stress.
I pretty much did nothing for the rest of the weekend - I so needed it. We had an amazing ward party on Saturday which I didn't dress up for, but I enjoyed everyone else's costumes. (I went to DI looking for costume ideas that morning, but although I got a great idea, I'm not quite there yet. Krissie is helping me today.) Surely only in Utah at a ward party could someone be a Catholic priest for Halloween? And carry an inspired version of the Bible? Because that was incredible.
We also had an awesome family Halloween party - I'm hoping that someone in my family sends me pictures soon, because my nephews and niece were adorable. I think the highlight was when Cooper was actually scared of Jake in his costume. (Jake is Dracula and pulls it off really well for a 4 year old.) There was chili and justice for all, and Mom outdid herself as usual.
I'm pretty excited for FHE tonight, mostly because it will afford some fabulous photo opportunities. We're having a California snowball fight (we're chucking flour balls at each other) and I am way more excited than I would have expected. Maybe it was because it was a socially fulfilling weekend and I'm enjoying feeling like I'm actually a part of the ward now, but I can't wait to peg and be pegged with cooking supplies.
I'm feeling much less crazy than I did last week. The playlist and the social interaction and some moments of dwelling in reality writing papers are making me feel less stupid. I look forward to at least a few days of sanity. I'm pretty excited about those days, because I don't have quite as much on my plate this week and I can't wait for the Thriller dance and the extravagantic Dracula book club meeting (oh my gosh that book is TERRIFYING), actually being able to go to institute, the choir concert on Friday (anyone want to go?), Doug's photography class, the football game, the ballet . . . Lots of stuff to keep me in the realm of the sane and busy without quite as much school stress.
Clearly I have nothing more to say (and I didn't really to begin with) so I'm going to go and buy batteries for my camera so that I can post some amazing pictures of flour covered people tomorrow. Have a lovely week, one and all.